grey & brown

Hello. Here's an update on the move to the new building/fear of heights scenario. When I last posted about it (here) it was just after I'd seen inside for the first time, and had just found out what I was "in for" so to speak, having looked at the building from the outside for ages. I've now been able to go there four times, with different results each time.

I've been really lucky to be able to go there before the official move. Its definitely helped a lot. If I had gone there for the first time with everyone else, basically with 100 people around me trying to find where their desks are, excitedly pointing out everything they can see out the windows, desperately trying to locate their morning coffee etc., not to mention packing boxes everywhere, equipment being installed and other random first day chaos - I think my brain may have had a minor meltdown and I would have gone running out the door after about 10 minutes. You would have found me crying in the sushi bar downstairs before I'd switched my computer on.

Instead, I've been able to spend a little time there over the last two weeks with only a handful of people around, to take my time looking about and finding things, and to leave when I've had enough. I won't say its been easy, in fact its been nerve wracking. I've come home exhausted each time, because the amount of concentration it takes to stay calm is huge. If you are an anxious person, you know what I mean. Don't think about heights don't think about heights don't think about heights, you're thinking about heights stop it, stop thinking about heights stop thinking about heights stop thinking about heights. About 20 minutes of that and I really need a lie down, but instead I have to go back to work. Added to a few sleepless nights here and there, its tiring!

But! Having said that, I am still feeling really positive about it. Seeing it as a challenge I can do, and a challenge that has so far gone to plan. The third time I went there I was very close to being quite ok with it all, which was a good sign. I have not run screaming out of there, I have not had any nightmares about it, and I am not obsessively worrying about it. I am still picturing a time (although I am not sure when it will be) when I can sit there calmly, for more than half an hour, without gripping the edge of the desk, and when I look back and wonder what all the fuss was about. Hopefully its soon!


1 comment:

Linda said...

It would not be any fun without you there. xo